I have noticed a pattern with Luke that if he is tired his breath holding spells are particularly bad. Yes, people may think I'm a little crazy making sure Luke is in bed every night between 6:30-7:00pm and nap time promptly after lunch, but trust me when I say I know the difference in Luke when he's had enough rest (which will eliminate most tantrums in itself!). It's tricky business, because while I can see one of his tantrums unfolding before my eyes I have to make sure I don't "pander" to him and change my expectations because I'm afraid that he's going to pass out. I hate it. It scares me to death seeing his little face turn blue, his eyes roll back and nearly pass out on the floor. I always end up holding my breath too until he takes a breath and we can start over. I've done lots of research on the matter, talked to the doctor, etc. The end result is the same as any tantrum: "ignore" and "redirect". Apparently, it doesn't hurt them and it peaks going into their second year. (I have plenty more info on breath holding spells, if anyone is interested email me!)
Given the situation with Luke, it definitely forces me to be a more proactive parent and focus on what's best for him. Besides, nothing gets your attention more than seeing your child pass out! Jennie and I both feel strongly that when our boys get enough rest and we're able to set good boundaries and communicate our expectations in a way they can understand we have happy toddlers most of the time! Yes, it takes a lot more time and effort on our part but trust me when I say we can see the difference in our boys and it makes everyone happy! One of our favorite books when the boys were younger was The Happiest Baby On The Block, so much great info for new parents. (If you're expecting or know someone who is check it out!) Now that our boys are heading into what they call "terrible two's" we constantly refer to The Happiest TODDLER On The Block book.What we didn't know is they have a DVD that explains more about the book in great detail! We were lucky enough to have one of the DVDs sent to us to review and we loved seeing the techniques in the book explained in more detail! It really helped put the book into perspective and see how other parents are using Dr. Karp's techniques for taming those toddler tantrums!
Moving Through Toddler Tantrums
The Happiest Toddler On The Block works by encouraging parents to think of their toddlers as little cavemen. Do you find yourself constantly saying "No!", "How many times do I have to tell you?", "Why aren't you listening to me"?! Dr. Karp explains a new way of thinking about how your little caveman understands communication that will make it easy to avoid tantrums and frustrations for both you and your child! When you have realistic expectations about your child's ability to control their emotions and communications, the easier it will be to get along and lessen daily tantrums.
The Fast Food Rule
On the DVD Dr. Karp will explain how the Fast Food Rule works, by allowing who ever is hungriest for attention to go first when communicating. Much like a drive thru employee, a parent must repeat the child's message back to them before moving on with their own agenda. This does NOT mean the child gets whatever they want, it simply allows you to acknowledge their needs before redirecting them to your agenda.
Speaking Your Child's Language
Another great tool Dr. Karp provides parents is something called, Toddler-ese. Simply put, it's the ability to talk to your child in short, empathetic sentences matching their body language. It's a technique I've used frequently with Luke and it's pretty amazing to see Luke stop his tantrum and look at me like "yeah, she gets what I'm trying to say!" Again, just because he may be throwing a tantrum because he can't go outside doesn't mean I'm going to fold and let him go outside. It means that I can repeat back to him what he wants and then when it's clear that I understand what he wants I can put forth my agenda by saying "Luke, I understand you want to go outside...how about we go play with your cars until it's time for us to go outside." It works wonders with him and it has tremendously helped head off tantrums along with his breath holding spells!
The techniques in the book and DVD are great for kids aged 1-5 years old and the I have learned so much about what works to prevent tantrums with Luke and we've found so many great ideas to help keep the boys happy! Think of it as working WITH your child, rather than forcing your agenda and expectations on them! You can learn more about it here or click below to get a DVD delivered to your home.
